The following opinions should not be read prior to seeing the films in question. (Though it is possible you have resigned to never watch them at all...)

These are not reviews upon which you should base movie watching decisions. Rather, I write with the hopeful purpose of inciting sometimes interesting, sometimes informative, sometimes humourous discussions about cinema. What may prove unfortunate for the reader is that I often express myself in a pompous and juvenile fashion...mayhap there ought to be a "warning" in recognition of my sense of humour...

Regardless, I implore film fans to always remember that all film is art, and all art is subjective. No one can tell you if you like a movie, except you. Likes and dislikes of film can only be opinion, and opinion can never be wrong; only intelligently expressed and defended. There is nothing wrong with unconditionally loving a film that isn't necessarily held in the highest regard, so long as you understand and accept why you love it.

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A little background...

To learn a little more about my love for the medium, maybe to help distinguish whether or not you as a reader will empathize with, and thus care about, my opinion, read on. There's no real reason why you should care about my opinion; I'm just a guy who really loves movies. The following may help to clarify this passion. Or serve to confuse...(It's my passion, and I'm a little confused...)

I am the product of a fairly average 80's childhood, raised by a fairly conservative mother, in two fairly small towns. From a very young age the one liberal standpoint my mother consistently adhered to was toward the arts, notably film. Given that she would endure my cinematic triumphs and travesties, there was never any censorship when it came to renting from the local video shop or convenience mart. My mother felt that as long as she was around to explain that the fantastical elements were nothing more than somebody's imagination, I was intelligent enough to handle anything the fake-wood paneled VCR and floor model MagnaVox could throw at me.

This may be the most pertinent factor behind my selective memory. I can't remember jack shit about anything other than movies. I fear I may be pushing daily mental necessities out of my head in order to remember what will probably turn out to be useless knowledge about some seemingly forgettable B-movie. I can remember the first movie I saw in the theater: Ghostbusters. First drive-in: E.T. First movie I saw full frontal female nudity: D.C. Cab. Second movie I saw full frontal female nudity: Revenge of the Nerds. First movie to give me long-standing nightmares: Demons 2. I cannot remember what I had for lunch.

The fires of passion pretty much fueled themselves from that point on. I consumed film at a disgusting rate, primarily as entertainment until my formative pubescent years. Somewhere between stereotypical angst and feeling awkwardly tingly around girls, I discovered the art behind film. I stepped out from behind the veil of horror and kung fu and began to embrace the medium that represented, to me, the amalgamation and epitome of all art.

I got a job in a video store and watched a lot of movies. I majored in film in University and watched a lot of movies. I got a job in a different video store to pay off the bills from University and, surprise, surprise, I watch a lot of movies.

Which leads to this juncture in my life. I see the bored look in the eyes of my friends and loved ones when I bludgeon the conversation with mundane observations about whatever generic direct-to-video sequel I have most recently watched. Yet, I feel compelled to discuss the nuances of an art form in which I find myself so deeply immersed. I require some sort of outlet, before I end up sacrificing the know-how of brushing my teeth to chronologically memorizing the repertoire of Andy Sidaris movies.

I simultaneously thank and pity anyone who is willing to subject themselves to my rantings. Given that I do not discriminate against genre, budget, star, director, or any other cinematic element, I don't always watch the most of compelling of films. I watch with reckless abandon. I see benefits in bad movie experiences. I'm committed to the medium as a whole. And I need to appease my passion.